Chapter One: The Penguin-Snowman Alliance

Hello and welcome to my attempt to drive myself insane: The Tsarina Alphabetacy! I’m your friendly neighborhood Narrator, and you (and Sims) can call me Captain. Here we have our founder, Catherine Tsarina. She is a 5/8/5/3/4 Family/Fortune Sim with the LTW to have six grandchildren.

A few quick things before we get started:

•I’m not keeping score, but I will do my utmost best to follow the rules.

•Life is a one-way street. Trying to travel back along this street will have...consequences.

•As indicated by the name, this is a matriarchy. The firstborn daughter will be heiress.

Catherine: “So this is it, huh?”

Yeah. Sorry, but it’s the best you can afford right now.

Catherine: “But I’ll be able to expand it soon, right?”

You’ll definitely be able to expand it. I don’t know if it will be soon, though.

Catherine: “Why not? I want to have at least three kids, and I can’t do that in a metal shack.”

Because that’s the only flat area on your entire lot. So expanding will require a foundation. And foundations cost more.

Catherine: “It was the cheapest lot they had listed! How was I supposed to know that property prices in Siberia were so high?”

That caught me by surprise, too. I’m also surprised by how warm it seems to be out here. Didn’t they say that the winter never ends here?

Catherine: “Eh, the realtor said that it’s a sporadic thaw. It’s not common.”

Lucky it happened on your first day here. Anyway, I set up Humble’s computer, so go find a job before the welcome wagon gets here.

Catherine: “Do I really have to work as a Gumshoe?”

It’s the highest paying job available today. You need money. But you don’t have to work until tomorrow, so if something better shows up in the morning, you can take that instead.

Catherine: “Good. I really don’t like the idea of investigating others. Makes me feel like a snoop.”

Gather around and see the Siberian Welcome Wagon!

Today’s stars include Robert Kim at the front, Sanjay Ramaswami in the distance, and so far back that you can barely see her is Titania Summerdream.

Robert: “My whole family was famous! Had our very own show. It was canceled, of course. The problem, I think, was the sci-fi theme. We should have done something more realistic. In fact, I’m working on a whole new, completely real show! I got the idea when I was watching this movie called The Truman Show. But instead of just following one person, we’d follow the whole town. We’d rotate each episode between different families here. Only the Calientes and that Lothario guy have agreed so far, though. What do you think?”

Cate: “Nope. No way. Not gonna happen.”

Robert: “Are you sure? Maybe if you watched the movie...”

Cate: “I’ve seen the movie, and I’m pretty sure you missed the point of it. Look, I’ve already got someone looking over my shoulder constantly. I don’t need anyone else doing it.”

Robert: “Ah man. No one likes my idea. Even Cynthia said it was dumb. Maybe if I watch that movie again, I’ll figure out a better pitch.”

Later that night, Cate partook in the grand tradition of all Legacy founders: digging for treasure until she was ready to pass out.

Robert: “Hey, what if we hid all the cameras, so you didn’t know when you were being filmed? Does that sound better?”

Cate: “Robert, get off my property or I will make you eat this shovel.”

Robert: sigh “Fine...”

Cate: “Please don’t make me go to work as a Gumshoe. Please?”

Sorry. You slept too late to check for a new job before it was time to leave. Besides, you can survive one day. And you’ll mostly just be taking notes for a detective. It’s not so bad.

Cate: “It’s horrible!”

Oh suck it up, princess.

After work, and a quick career switch to the Athletic track, Cate went lot hopping.

Cate: “Any chance you happen to have some cute single friends?”

Matthew: “Well, I’m single. And I’ve been told several times that I’m quite the looker.”

Cate: “Right...”

Peter: “Do you have a minute to talk about the Garden Club?”

Cate: “There’s a Garden Club in Siberia?”

Peter: “Yeah. We don’t have a lot of members right now, but we’ve been working on it.”

Cate: “I guess not many people really want to spend that much time outside here; and greenhouses can be pretty expensive.”

Peter: sigh “That’s true. Mostly we just see bushes and hedges. Bushes and hedges. Over and over.”

Cate: “That sounds horribly repetitive.”

Peter: “It is. I have nightmares about hedges. They surround my house and trap me inside. They laugh at me as I try to escape. Sometimes I think the house represents my whole life, and that there is no escape from the endless parade of hedges.”

Cate: “Oh. Um, well, maybe you could open a flower shop or something? Maybe start a community garden?”

Peter: “Maybe. I don’t know. Thanks for listening though.”

I never really saw Mortimer as a nightclub guy. But I guess Crypt O’ Night is a fitting place to find a Goth.

Alright, just in case you’re getting curious:

There are several Maxis families that I like and wanted to have around, but several of them are from different neighborhoods, and I didn’t want to use any of the premades. So I packaged them and shipped them off to Siberia. They seem to be happy here.

Cate: “Hey, I’m trying to find a guy who is, well, I guess you could say ‘the marrying type’. And I’ve heard that you and your sister know a lot of people. Would you be able to introduce me to anyone? Preferably an athletic redhead.”

Dina: “I could definitely help you find a rich old guy to marry. I can’t guarantee that he’ll have red hair, though.”

Cate: “I’m not really looking for someone who is rich. It’d be nice if he was, but it’s not a requirement or anything. And I’d prefer someone younger. I’d like to have kids, and it’d be nice if their dad was around to watch them grow up.”

Dina: “Oh. I can’t really help you with that. Good luck.”

Charlatan: “The government doesn’t want you to know this, but the penguins and snowmen have formed an alliance and are planning an attack on all of us. We must band together if we hope to defeat them.”

Bartender: “But why wouldn’t the government want us to know that? It sounds really important.”

Charlatan: “Because they’ve been infiltrated by the enemy. At the highest levels.”

Cate: “Lady, he’s stealing your wallet.”

Charlatan: “You stay out of this, missy!” whispering “Don’t listen to her. She’s one of their spies. I can smell it on her.”

Kennedy: “You’re a mascot for the Llamas? My uncle is the Llama coach! I’m going to let him know that he’s wasting your talent in that costume. I’m sure he’ll put you on the team.”

Cate: “Really? That would be great! I liked the costume at first since it’s really warm, but the smell of sweat and having to spend half an hour taking it off just to go to the bathroom got old the first day. I’d love to be a player instead.”

Kennedy: “Yeah, the mascot role has a pretty high turnover. Oh! I also want to set you up with a friend of mine. He’s an athlete, too. I can have him come see you after the game tomorrow if you want.”

Cate: “Yes! I-I mean, yeah that sounds cool. Tomorrow after the game is fine.”

Cate: “You were great against the Pushkin Gnomes! I thought for sure that they would win, but that homerun of yours completely turned the game around. It was amazing.”

Komei: “I wasn’t that good. I’ve lost all power in my pitches since I had that elbow surgery. I practically handed them all their runs.”

Cate: “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You really were great today.”

Komei: “If you insist, I’ll accept the compliment. Thank you.”

Komei: “You were pretty good in your game, too. Catching that line drive was impressive. And seeing Hogan throw down her bat and stomp off the field afterwards was the highlight of the day.”

Cate: “Haha, yeah, apparently she’s not had anyone catch one of her hits in a few months and didn’t like having her streak broken. Kind of wish I had just let it go by, though. I don’t know if my shoulder will ever recover.”

Komei: “Here, I can help with that.”

Komei: “Is that better?”

Cate: “Oh wow...sooo much better...”

Two bolts and an autonomous backrub? I think I know where this is going.

Yep. Kissing on the sidewalk as random townies walk by. Exactly what I thought would happen.

Gah! What are you doing?

Cate: “What? I’m just giving him a backrub to return the favor. What’s the problem?”

Here we have a demonstration of the downside to Cate’s lot.

I honestly really love her lot. It’s a complete mess of elevation and only has a single area of flat land. But it’s really pretty and I enjoy the challenge.

But it does cause problems. Like this. Getting people to interact outside is a constant struggle. I see this thought bubble a lot.

Maybe you two can move it inside? It’s not going to be easy getting pictures inside the shack, but it’s better than this.

Thanks guys.

And look! They’re in love. Which can mean only one thing.

It means that I have move the camera back too far and end up catching snowflakes in the shot.

Cate: “Komei, I know we just met, but I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Honestly, that backrub you gave me showed me how sweet and considerate you are. And that you’re exactly the kind of man I want to spend my whole life with. Will you marry me?”

Komei: “Yes! Oh Cate, you are the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met. I never want to be with anybody else. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Cate: “I’m sorry that we have to do this right next to my toilet.”

Komei: “As long as I’m with you, we could be in a septic tank and I wouldn’t care.”

Cate: “That’s...really gross. But also sweet. I love you.”

Komei: “I love you, too.”

Please enjoy this romantic picture of Catherine Tsarina marrying her true love, Komei Tellerman. Right next to a toilet and a paint-splattered desk. 

In a tiny shack with bare walls and no floors. And they’re wearing track suits.

So sweet.

Cate: “Shut up.”

Yes, ma’am. Shutting up.

Komei brought in §1,967. Giving them just enough to move from a tiny metal shack to a somewhat less tiny wooden shack.

No windows, though. Windows are a luxury the Tsarinas can ill afford.

Komei Tellerman has joined the family, becoming Komei Tsarina and the man to help found a legacy spanning 26 generations.

Komei is a 6/5/8/3/3 Fortune/Knowledge Sim with the LTW to become a World Class Ballet Dancer.

I wouldn’t have guessed that was his dream job, but whatever floats his boat. He can switch over as soon as Dance shows up.

I see you two didn’t waste any time.

Cate: blarf “Not in the mood.”

Oh come on. I thought Little Miss Family Sim would be happy about this.

Cate: “Please leave” gag “me alone...”

Fine.

Komei: “I’m off to work, sweetie. Love you.”

Cate: “Love you, too. By the way, I’m pregnant.”

Komei: “Wait, what?”

Cate: “We’re going to have a baby soon. Now hurry up. You don’t want to miss your carpool.”

Komei: “Um, okay. Bye.”

Since finding out about his impending fatherhood, Komei has spent almost all of his time at the computer giving out financial advice.

Komei: “Need money for baby need money for baby need money for baby”

Are...are you okay there?

Komei: “Need money for baby need money for baby need money for baby”

Jump rope: When pregnant Sims need body skill for promotions.

Cate: “Have you been okay? You almost never get off the computer when you’re not at work.”

Komei: “Yes, fine. Just...I thought we’d be in a better place financially before we started having kids. Any time I don’t spend making money right now is actually hurting our baby because we won’t be able to afford the things it will need.”

Cate: “That’s not true. Yeah, we’re not well-off, but it’s not like we’re impoverished. We can afford to take care of our baby. What we can’t afford is you having a nervous breakdown from overwork. Please at least consider taking a break?”

Komei: “I can’t.”

Cate: “Come on. You’ve gotten a raise and you’ve been promoted twice this week. And I’ll be able to return to work once the baby’s been born. We’ll be fine.”

Komei: “I got those things because I’ve been working so hard. Once the baby arrives, I’ll slow down. But I’m going to keep working as hard as I can until that happens.”

Cate: “Just...please promise me that you’ll at least take care of yourself?”

Komei: “I promise.”

Jan: “I wouldn’t worry too much about him. Komei gets like this whenever he’s worried. He sort of cocoons himself in work. Just let him work. Once the kid is born, he’ll calm down.”

Cate: “I don’t know. He hardly sleeps anymore and...ow...”

Jan: “Cate? Are you okay?”

Cate: “Owowowow!”

Cate: “AAHH!! Oh god it hurts!”

Jan: “What can I do? Can I help? Do you need anything?”

Cate: “I need this baby to get out of me right now!”

Just breathe. You’ll spin soon and everything will be okay.

Cate: “I’m a mom!”

Jan: “Thank god that’s over.”

Woooo! Welcome Generation A! So tell me, boy or girl? Name? Come on, Cate. I need to know.

Cate: “It’s a little boy. I’m naming him Alexei.”

Alexei Tsarina has inherited his mother’s black hair and his father’s blue eyes.

Unfortunately, Komei was at work and missed the birth of his son. But I’m sure he’ll be happy (and more relaxed) when he gets home.

Note: There are multiple pronunciations for Alexei. And by multiple, I mean that it doesn’t seem like any two people agree on one. For this Legacy, we will be using ah-LEK-say.

Cate: “Who’s my cute little guy? Who is it? Is it you? It is you! Alexei is mommy’s cute little guy!”

When Komei got home, he made a beeline for little Alexei.

Komei: “Hey there, little guy. I’m your dad. And I love you so much. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure you grow up happy.”

I know Komei doesn’t get used in many legacies, but he really should be given more of a chance. He’s a great guy.

Cate: “Feeling better now?”

Komei: “mmbleyeahmmm”

Cate: “Good.”

Cate: “I’m gonna eat your tummy! I’m gonna gobble it up!”

Hey! No cannibalism!

Cate: “Don’t listen to the Captain, Alexei. Now let me eat up that cute little tummy of yours.”

Hmph.

Babies grow up so fast. It was soon time for Alexei’s birthday and—hey! Cate! Already?

Komei: “Focus, Captain. It’s my little boy’s birthday.”

You’re right. Sorry. Happy birthday, Alexei!

Cate: “Make a wish, sweetie!”

Komei: “Remember that money can solve most of life’s problems.”

Cate: “But family will make you happier than anything else!”

Komei: whispering “You need money to take care of a family.”

Girls, girls, you’re both pretty. Now blow out those candles and toss that baby.

Here comes the inaugural toddler of our legacy!

And here he is!

Alexei grew up adorable, of course. Just look at his adorable little face. I love him.

Anyway, Alexei is a Taurus, 5/6/4/10/4. I don’t know how two such serious Sims had such a playful little boy. Really, Cate and Komei only have 6 playful points combined. I just hope I can keep the kid entertained.

Just look at him snuggling up into his arm while he sleeps. He’s so cute.

Alexei: “Googaw...”

Absolutely. Freakin. Adorable.

Cate: “Say bear sweetie. Say bear.”

Alexei: “No no no! No wanna! No wanna say bear!”

Cate: “Very good! Now, can you say mama?”

Alexei: “NO! NO!” 

Alexei: “No say mama. I say bear! Bear! Bear bear bear!”

Cate: “You’re learning so fast. You’re such a smart boy!”

Alexei: “Yay! I smart!”

Alexei: “Daddy! Look! I make wabbit talk!”

Komei: “You can make the rabbit talk? Wow, you must be magic.”

Alexei: “I no magic. Silly daddy. I pull ear. Wabbit talk. Listen!”

Rabbit: “Toddler pic spam artificially inflates chapter size.”

Hmph. Stupid rabbit.

I don’t care what the rabbit says.

This kid is worth the pic spam.

Look at that face and tell me I’m wrong.

Cate: “Let’s stand up, Alexei. It’s time for mommy to teach you how to walk.”

Alexei: “I can walk?”

Cate: “Not yet, but you’re about to learn.”

Trent: “I can teach him how to dance if you want.”

Cate: “Um, thanks. But I think his dad will have that covered.”

Cate? You might want to try holding the toddler, and not the air above him.

Please. I don’t want Alexei to fall.

Okay, last toddler spam for Alexei, I promise.

I’m sorry. He’s just so darned cute.

Cate: “OW! I hate this part!”

Komei: “Cate! Don’t worry! I’m coming!”

Cate: “Please let me spin soon!”

Komei: “You’ll be okay. Just breathe. You’ll be fine.”

Cate: “I know that! But it still hurts!”

Komei: “I know. I was talking to myself. This is scary.”

Cate: “Arg! How do you think I feel?!”

Komei is absolutely shocked to see the newest member of Gen A.

Alright, Cate, sex and name please.

Cate: “Just a minute.”

Cate: “Can you hold this one for me, please?”

Komei: “Of course! Hello, little one.”

Wait, this one? Oh boy.

And here’s baby number two!

Yay for natural twins in the first generation. At least I’ve got the required three kids covered. Now let’s hope I’ve got an heiress so Cate doesn’t have to have more kids and risk more twins.

Lucky us, Cate had twin girls! Both of them have Cate’s black hair, but they have different eye colors.

On the left, being held by Komei, is the oldest twin, and therefore our heiress, Albina Tsarina. She inherited her mother’s green eyes.

On the right, held by Cate, is the youngest twin, Anfisa Tsarina, who has her father’s blue eyes.

Albina is pretty phonetic, al-BEE-na.

Anfisa is a bit trickier. It’s pronounced ah-FEE-sah. I won’t judge you if you get tripped up on it.

Komei really is a great father.

And here we come to the end of chapter one. I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for chapter two!

Penguin: “Careful, brother. If they set the police on us now, all will be lost.”

Hmm...maybe I should keep an eye on this.

Penguin: “You’ll never take me alive, copper!”